Since pants don’t EVER catch on fire, and noses won’t actually grow, it can be extremely frustrating when trying to determine whether or not someone is pulling the wool over your eyes.
We’ve all experienced the various degrees of lying.
White lies, broken promises, fabrications, and my personal favorite, lying by omission, where an actual lie isn’t really spoken, but certain pertinent details are conveniently not mentioned.
Yes people! That is STILL a lie!
There is no such thing as a “good lie.” But sometimes, lies are told to protect someone’s feelings. I get that. Like when your friend or partner asks the proverbial question.
“Does this make me look fat?”
Again, we enthusiastically say “No! Not at all!” Even when we know it’s not the most flattering ensemble.
I’m not talking about those lies here. I’m talking about bold-faced, compulsive lies. Lies so bad, or so good, that your heart tends to deny what is really happening.
But your head knows. You think.
Wouldn’t it be nice to know for sure if someone is lying to you?
So, before you grab that chainsaw and go all Leatherface on someone, I’m going to share a bit of insight on some of the sure-fire signs that you are being lied to.
Because I am nice like that.
But really because I abhor liars and my job is to expose them. So the more liars we can bust together, the better the world will be.
I deal with liars on the daily. Understandably, I witness the subjects of my investigations lie time and time again and expose them through investigative means such as surveillance, both physical and technical. But, I’ve also been lied to by my clients, most often because they fear being judged.
People lie to protect themselves.
Now I don’t have a magic wand or some secret method that enables me to know when someone is lying. I rely on my gut instincts, the likelihood of the story being told and past experiences with the person to determine if they are trustworthy or not. It takes practice.
So without further ado, here are some easy to identify signs that you are dealing with a liar.
1) Evasiveness and stalling. If your liar is using this technique, it would go something like this:
You ask: “Did you leave the party with so and so?”
Your liar answers: “Did I leave with so and so..?”
This isn’t a game of Jeopardy. No need to restate the question. Just answer it.
Did. You. Leave. With. So and So?
The answer requires a simple “Yes” or “No.”
If you’re getting any other response, then you have your answer. It’s a lie and no further questioning is necessary.
It really can be that simple. But what if your liar doesn’t prefer that technique?
Well there’s more.
2) Being defensive about the situation or the questions you are asking is a sure sign that your liar is up to no good. If you ask a question and they act in a way that is self-protective, or become aggressive, it’s most likely a distraction or a scare tactic to cover up the fact that they are lying.
I know. You are thinking, “But I accused them? Shouldn’t they be upset that they are being accused if they are really innocent?”
See. You are blaming yourself already. Their evil plan is working.
You didn’t accuse them. You simply asked a question, that requires an answer. Again, if they are evasive and don’t want to answer, or they start shouting and claiming that you are blaming them. They are lying.
A normal, innocent person should question the reasons why they are being blamed. So beware the person who goes on the defensive.
3) Telling you that you are crazy is one of the BIGGEST red flags that suggest that someone is lying to you.
Like, literally standing there. Waving a red flag and yelling “I’m a liar!”
It goes back to that old red herring. If they put you on the defensive or make you feel stupid or crazy for even questioning their actions, plans or motives, then you are less likely to question further. Now they got you all worked up.
This is the most devastating type of lying. It makes you doubt yourself and feeds into your natural instinct to want to deny that there is any lying or wrongdoing going on.
And that’s exactly what they want.
So, in this example, you are probably feeling doubtful that what your instincts were telling you is true. But you need to ask yourself.
“What did I do in this situation to cause this to happen?”
And most likely, your answer will most always be nothing.
So now you see, a liar will often try to turn their lies around on you to continue to cheat and deceive at your expense. But you DO know the truth. And being aware of these and a few other techniques used by most liars can encourage you to trust your instincts and be confident to take the next step.
If you have an encountered a situation with a liar and are currently wrestling with your feelings, or if you think you have the biggest liar of them all on your hands and need some help weeding through the BS.
Put down the chainsaw and let’s chat!